


Best Friend's Sister

by annioe



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual Connor, Best Friends, F/M, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, High School, I don't write smut though, Maybe - Freeform, Moving, Platonic Relationships, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Tree Bros, band trees, haven't decided yet, maybe smut?, milking these tags, so good luck, tree bros in a friendship way, who knows - Freeform, will edit tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-03-24 17:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13815876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annioe/pseuds/annioe
Summary: Evan didn't know what to do. He couldn't have fallen in love with his best friend's sister. It was weird enough that he was friends with Connor Murphy but now having a crush on his sister? The two couldn't even stand each other. Connor was a weed smoking, loner who didn't give a shit and Zoe… Zoe was caring and optimistic. How was he going to tell Zoe but especially, how was he going to tell Connor?





	1. Would You Be So Kind

**Author's Note:**

> A new multi-chapter fic? But you haven't even finished the other yet.
> 
> I know, I know. I'm going to update them literally right now so hold on tight to monthly updates and some angsty, fluffy mixture that I call this fic.

Evan was sixteen. Sitting on the edge of a tree branch, he wondered about jumping off. To experience that feeling of numbness that he felt his entire life. To wonder if anyone would care. To see if anyone would come help him. See if he mattered.

It's not like he had any friends. There was Jared, but Jared didn't consider them to be friends. Family friends were all he saw them as. 

He inched a bit closer to the edge.

There was his dad that left when he was seven. His dad left him to move in with another mistress he had been sleeping with. They had children of their own in Colorado. He didn't care about Evan; he was the one who left.

He inched a bit closer to the edge.

Finally, there was his mum. She had been absent helping keep their family afloat. She provided all the money since his dad left. She worked as a nurse but studied a law course which meant she was gone a lot. She didn't see Evan much but when she did, she was always worrying. Worrying if he did his assignments for Doctor Sherman, his therapist. See if he started writing for collage contests. See if he had taken his pills.

He was about to burst into tears when a loud voice called for him.

"Yo! Got any weed?"

Evan looked down and saw a boy, around his age, with long brown hair and wearing all black. His eyes were bloodshot and his hands were shoved into his pockets.

"I can pay you."

Evan had to blink twice before saying, "uhh… no."

"Do you know anyone that might sell weed?"

"No."

"Shit, I hate this town. What's your name?"

Evan scooted back from the edge. He nervously replied, "Evan Hansen. Who… who are you?"

He looked back at Evan almost terrifyingly. "None of your fucking business."

"I think it is now."

He rolled his charcoal brown eyes and screamed, "Connor Murphy. Now get down of that fucking tree."

Evan feeling threatened climbed down the tree. When his feet hit the ground, he felt his anxiety plummet, suddenly feeling a lot more grounded. 

Connor caught onto this. "Why were you in that tree?"

Evan looked up at him, seeing his eyes piecing through him. "I'm sort of this tree expert, I climb trees…"

"Why were you really in that tree?"

Evan shut his mouth, feeling the embarrassment and shame wash over him like a title wave. He went mute, refusing to tell Connor anything.

Connor sighed, "I wanted to kill myself once. Because everyone thought I was that crazy, psychotic person who smoked drugs. The sad thing was being that everything they said was true. And I felt even more shitty than I was before. So, I thought 'hey, what if I did kill myself. Would I even matter?' I saw you up in that tree, looking down. And you were about to do it, what stopped you?"

Evan was stunned. He opened his mouth to try and speak but his voice came out as a whisper, "my mum."

"And even then, you were about to jump," Connor's voice turned softer. 

Evan could feel tears escaping his eyes. 

"Come on, I'm taking you home."

o o o

Zoe had been Connor's polar opposite. They were siblings but nothing between the two was the same.

Evan met Zoe on the first day of school the year the Murphy's moved into his suburb. She was with Connor, walking towards the entrance when Connor yelled Evan's name to grab his attention.

This, of course, scared him but he was met with beautiful hazel eyes and a soft smile. It contrasted Connor's darkness, Evan had to make sure they were siblings.

Connor had needed Evan to hold his stuff while he returns to his car to retrieve something (he knew it was weed, at least he found a weed guy). This gave time for Evan to look at this girl standing next to him.

She looked beautiful. Her chestnut brown curls fell, slightly past her shoulders. A few strands of indigo cascaded down. She was dressed in a floral dress with a denim jacket on top and a pair of combat boots. He couldn't take his eyes off her.

She stuck her hand out, "I'm Zoe."

He fumbled out his words, "Evan, you already knew that."

Obviously wiping his hands down his jeans, he shook her hand and she let a giggled escape her lips. It made him smile, his stomach was filled with butterflies and he forgot how to breathe. 

She tried starting conversation, "is this school any good? Our last school was okay, I'm pretty sure that's where my brother got his first weed supplier."

She laughed, her voice being music to his ears. 

He quickly responded, "I don't know. I mean, compared to your old school. I don't like this school, clearly because I'm sort of a… loser."

His chest started to tighten and all he wanted to do was run off, disappearing into the hoard of students. She'll think he's a complete loser (like, he did say he was) and just not talk to him anymore and just think he's weird…

"Don't say that about yourself!" she touched his shoulder. It set his heart twice its speed and he thought he was going to faint. 

And that's when he knew, he loved Zoe.

The next time he talked to Zoe was during his free period that week. With no friends to hang out with, Evan resorted to the library to do everything. Eat, hide, study.

He studied until a small tap on his shoulder surprised him, causing him to flinch back and almost fall off his chair.

"Hey," Zoe giggling and taking a seat beside him.

"Hi," he waved awkwardly. He quickly pulled his hands to his side after realising his waving was taking too long. "How was your first week so far?"

She nodded, "better than I expected. School isn't half bad. Made a few friends."

"Doesn't seem like it if you're talking to me," he snidely comments, leaving Zoe in complete shock.

Evan turned bright red. "I DIDN'T MEAN THAT," he yelled louder than expected. Covering his mouth, he thought he was going to implode from embarrassment. All he could think was 'she's going to hate me, oh god she's going to think I'm a horrible person…'

Instead Zoe laughed.

Evan, confused, opened his mouth to no words.

"Oh my god," Zoe barely got out in between each laugh. 

In complete awkwardness, Evan hid his head in his book, trying to hide the obvious blush on his cheeks. Mumbling his next words, he whispered, "I'm so sorry."

"No," she snickered out, trying to hide her laughter. "I didn't know you could be mean."

"I'm not usually like that, you know I'm not like that. Well, you've only known me for a week so I don't get how you'd know anything." Shit, he was rambling again.

"Don't apologise. I was impressed."

He was able to produce a small smile on her lips. With that, his face turned a darker red at how she was looking at him.

She was pretty. Extremely pretty. But she was also nice. Sweet.

Zoe pulled her books out and started reading beside him, gently tapping smooth rhythms on the table. Softly singing along with the beat created by her fingers, she closed her eyes and the music took over her body.

Evan watched in awe when he saw Zoe move musically. She looked angelic, peaceful and just adorable. 

She opened her eyes to see Evan, trying to hide his smile from her as she moved her head to the music. She blushed, stopping herself from continuing.

"That was embarrassing," she tried laughing through the discomfort.

Evan shook his head, "no! It was really nice," he tried to be cool and half smile, when in fact he couldn't stop himself from being himself around Zoe.

Why was she so easy to talk to? Evan had never been so open with anyone except for maybe Jared and yet, that 'friendship' took months for him. So why was Zoe being so nice to him?

"You should join the jazz band," Evan suggested, closing his book and talking to her directly. 

Her face lit up, "you have that here? That's amazing!"  
She looked at Evan with a huge grin plastered on her face. 

And he returned it with another smile.


	2. 6/10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOK WHO'S BACK
> 
> I know, I promised regular updates but I completely forgot I had exams to study for. I hope this longer chapter makes up for it.

One and a half years had passed since Connor and Evan first met.

Evan was finally a senior and was ready for scholarship season. He had worked hard for the opportunity as his mum didn’t have the money to pay for a course and his social anxiety made it difficult for him to get a job.

It was like an ordinary day for him. Wake up, get ready, go to school, go to the Murphy’s and go home.

Connor and Evan considerably became best friends after the first year of school together. Evan would join Connor at lunch and they’d talk about anything. School, their struggle to fit in, Zoe.

Obviously Zoe was brought up because Connor and Zoe had grown very distant. She didn’t like telling everyone that her brother was the tall, threating kid who’d shove you across the locker room. Everyone knew about the siblings but everyone was afraid at bringing it up.

Zoe had actually become Connor’s opposite. While Connor’s only friend was Evan, she had made a name for herself.

Evan slightly regrets telling her to join jazz band because that’s where it all began.

She obviously got in. With talent like hers, Evan would wonder why she didn’t just move to Hollywood and pursue a career already. But on her first day there, she’d meet her future boyfriend and her newest best friends.

They were the popular people.

Luckily for Zoe, it didn’t take much to look like she fit into their group. Her parents were willing to buy her new clothes and she already had a really nice car.

Oh, and her boyfriend.

Zoe seemed to really like him. They’d been dating since their first date sometime at the end of last year. He’d asked her to prom and she obviously said yes.

And that’s why Evan would bring up Zoe.

His feelings never disappeared. He’d still have a massive crush on her, regardless of everything that had happened. When she gave him subtle smiles in the hall or when they’d have the same classes together, everything was still the same. The cliché of having butterflies in the stomach, heart skipping a beat, the red blush that burnt his cheeks.

But she was way out of his league. So he’d admire her from a far.

 

Connor drove Evan to his place to study for their Biology exam that afternoon.

They didn’t study at all. They mostly played video games and Connor would smoke weed while Evan coughed up the smoke.

“You sure you don’t want any?” Connor offered but Evan instantly refused.

“I don’t,” he choked on the smoke, “I’ll need to go to the bathroom.”

He ran as fast as he could out of Connor’s room. The bathroom was down the hall. He gradually walked past the stairs but stopped when he heard soft, eerie cries from behind the door.

 

Zoe’s room.

 

He peaked through the crack, seeing Zoe’s back against the wall, crying into her knees. He face was completely red and puffy, eyes were also red.

Evan knocked on the door which caused Zoe to jump and stiffen. When she saw him standing behind the door, she wiped her eyes and tried hiding her face. Trying to laugh through the embarrassment, she allowed Evan in.

He’d never really been in her room before. He’d walked past it many times but never stopped to look at every detail. It was really neat, unlike Connor’s mess. She had a desk with her laptop opened. It was pastel, pinks and blues. Posters of bands hung on her walls, fairy lights surrounding her bed to look like stars. Her bed was placed in the centre, opposite her walk in closet. Leaning against her bedside table was her guitar.

“You have a really nice room,” Evan tried to start a conversation. “It’s really pretty.”

“Thanks,” is all she said, sitting up properly.

"Is everything okay?” he immediately asked, trying not to sound too straightforward. He sat next to her, not realising how small she was compared to him.

“I don’t know anymore,” she tried to make a joke but just whimpered even more. “I just, I don’t know Evan.”

“I’m not going to tell anyone,” Evan tried reasoning. “The only friend I have is Connor and Jared and I still won’t tell either.”

She sadly laughed through the pain and turned to face Evan. She hadn’t fully looked at him in a while. He looked the exact same as a year ago. Gentle eyes, a nose wrinkle whenever he’d smile at her.

“I really wish I could just swap places with you.”

“What?”

“You don’t have to hold up some façade and I’d rather have two friends then a whole group who judges me constantly.”

Evan nodded his head in understanding. “Really? I’d love to have more people notice I existed.”

“Guess the grass is greener on the other side then.”

“I guess.”

Silence.

“My boyfriend cheated on me.”

Evan turned his head, looking at  Zoe silently sob.

“With my best friend. Who would have guessed.”

Another loose tear rolled down her cheek and soon, a rush of emotions sweep through.

Evan wasn’t one to comfort someone (usually it was the opposite) but he tried his best, awkwardly wrapping his arm around her small physique. She welcomed this gesture, sobbing into the crook of his neck. It made his shoulder wet but he didn’t pay attention to that. He squeezed Zoe until she seemed to have stopped and lifted her head, only a few inches from his face.

He could see her inflamed eyes, probably from all the crying she had done. He could see the meticulously beautiful face sitting in front of his. He could feel her sudden warmth that she provided him as she was perched up close to him.

“Thank you,” Zoe whispered, “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

“It’s not your fault,” Evan said, trying to reason with her. “None of this is your fault.”

She sighed, untangling herself from Evan’s embrace and propping herself back against the wall.

Without him knowing, he leaned into her. She noticed, resting her head on his shoulder.

“He’s a jerk,” Evan spoke, trying to continue the conversation.

“He is.”

“He doesn’t deserve you. You’re,” Evan trailed off, not noticing Zoe paying full attention to him, “amazing, beautiful and perfect and don’t deserve someone that doesn’t appreciate that.”

She hummed, sinking into Evan. “Thanks.”

Zoe’s cheeks were flaming. Did Evan really mean those things? That she was perfect? She was far from perfect. He also called her beautiful. Did he mean it?

Suddenly realising what Evan had spouted out, he quickly pushed himself away from her. She looked confused.

“I meant that you’re way too good for Josh. And if Melissa was willing to go behind your back and have him cheat on you, she’s a horrible friend. You have horrible friends,” he blabbed, trying to backtrack. “I’m not saying that all your friends are that horrible, I just…”

“Shh…” Zoe laughed, silencing Evan. “I get what you mean.”

He nodded, shutting his mouth to help prevent any more verbal spillage.

“Anyway,” she continued, “I think it’s best if I distance myself from them for a while. Try to step out of the spotlight.”

“You can sit with Connor, Jared and I.”

“Sit with my brother? I don’t think he’d like me there.”

“I’ll try talking to him. Make him understand.”

“EVAN!” a scream came from outside. “WHAT’S TAKING YOU SO LONG?”

Evan shrieked, getting up and flatting his clothes. He tried mumbling an excuse for why he was late but only jumbled words and unpunctuated sentences came out. He turned back to Zoe, a gleam in his eye.

“I’ll see you later,” he gave her an apologetic smile and opened her door, shutting it completely on his way out.

The room turned silent. The room felt a lot emptier without Evan’s presence. Once he left, the air stilled, almost suffocating. He brought light into her room. When he left, it turned back to utter darkness.

So Zoe Murphy sat on the floor, in complete silence, no longer thinking of Josh and Melissa but her mind was filled with the thought of Evan Hansen.

 

  * • •



 

They had finished ‘studying’ and Evan was prepared to leave. He picked up his bag, Cynthia gave him some food and he walked out the front door. He made it a few feet before Zoe caught up to him. He turned around, baffled at how fast she could run.

“Hey,” she tried to start, fiddling with her hands, “I just wanted to say thank you for comforting me earlier. I know I’m a mess and I just wanted to apologise because of how stupid I was acting.”

“It wasn’t stupid. You trusted them both. You’re not a mess either,” he cleared his throat, avoiding her eye contact. Looking at his dirty shoes, he felt Zoe’s arms wrap around him.

 

Zoe was hugging him.

 

Evan couldn’t feel anything, anymore. He just felt heat spread through his entire body and his palms beginning to sweat. They were sweating a lot. He draped his arms around her waist, trying not to seem as awkward and embarrassed as he already was.

 

_She was close to me._

_She was wasting her time apologising._

 

_She was wasting her time on me._

Zoe pulled away too soon. Digging through her jeans, she pulled out a pair of shiny keys.

“I’ll drive you home.”

“You really don’t have to…”

“It’s the least I could do.”

She grabbed Evan by the hand, his immensely sweaty hand, and escorted him to her Tesla. It was too nice for him.

She opened the driver’s door and hoped, waiting for Evan to get in.

 He just stood outside, staring at through the car window at Zoe readjusting her hair in the mirror.

 Zoe looked at him, curiously. “Get in.”

 “I don’t want to ruin your car.”

 “Ruin my car?” she laughed, opening the door for him.

 “Yeah, it’s way too good for me.”

 “It’s just a car…”

 “That’s worth more than me.”

 She got out, walking over to his side and grabbing the bag off his back. He tried retaliating, grabbing a hold but let go when Zoe got so close to Evan’s face he could feel her heavy breath.

 “Let’s go Hansen,” she pulled and he let go, too distracted by their small distance.

She teasingly put the bag in before him, gesturing him to go in next. He looked at the car nervously but reluctantly gave in, hopping into the car and seeing how truly, expensive it was.

She re-entered, sliding back into the driver’s seat. Turning the key, the car filled with jazz music.

“You still like jazz?” Evan wondered aloud.

“It’s only my favourite genre,” she replied matter-of-factly.

“I meant, of course you still like jazz, you’re in the jazz band. I just…” he tried to come up with any excuse he could.

She laughed, reversing out of the driveway and onto the street.

 

  * • •



 

They pulled up at Evan’s house slightly past nine-thirty. They both got out, Evan unlocking the door when it opened up. Heidi was looking at Zoe with surprise.

“Hey Ev, hello Zoe,” she tried saying enthusiastically. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Zoe offered to drive me home,” Evan looked at her in reassurance and nodded.

Being suspicious, she allowed them both in.

Zoe had been in the Hansen’s household many times. Most of them were to accompany Connor because he got his license taken off him for ‘safety reasons.’ She liked their house a lot more than her own. It was a lot smaller, not much room separating their family unlike their mansion where you barely would see each other. It was quaint and loved.

“Zoe, it’s getting pretty late,” Evan interrupted her thoughts.

“Right, I should probably…”

“No,” Heidi proposed, “it’s not safe to be going home this late. You could stay over.”

“I don’t think that’s really necessary…”

Heidi got behind Evan and supportively shook his shoulders. “I insist. Don’t you agree Evan?”

Evan clumsily looked at the two. His mum’s encouraging smile and Zoe’s unsure one.

He nodded, “you can stay in my room. I’ll just sleep on the couch.”

“I don’t want to make this a massive inconvenience for you, I’ll just go home.”

“It’s fine,” both the Hansen’s said in unison. Heidi had a massive grin on her face, while Evan was trying to replicate it. He looked a lot more closed in. Was he having anxiety around her?

She almost refused again until Evan added a soft, “please?”

His voice was kind and delicate. How could she say no to that?

“Okay.”

“Great,” Heidi clasped her hands together and shook Evan even more. Evan looked at Heidi with a smile and a laugh before she continued saying, “show Zoe up to your room.”

He did, up the stairs and into the small room with a bed, a desk and a few plants. The walls were painted blue and his room was as tidy as hers.

“It’s not much but,” he blushed at how much of a downgrade this would be for her.

She smiled, turning to face him. “It’s great Evan. Really, you didn’t have to do this.”

Evan standing there in the hallway, Zoe had the sudden impulse to just…

 

_What, no. I can’t… why was I thinking that?_

He looked at her with slight worry when she didn’t say anything else. She looked at him with yearning eyes but she blinked them away.

“Is everything okay?” he asked upsettingly. “Is it about earlier?”

“NO!” she almost blurted out. “I mean, no. It’s just, you’re a really nice person Evan. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

He blushed bright red. Flattered and almost on the verge of collapsing, he did his signature smile, nose crease and all and swallowed. “Thanks Zoe.”

She got behind the door and said good night before closing it shut. She took her jeans off and climbed into his sheets. It smelt exactly like him. Daisies and rosemary.

Before she fell asleep, a bell noise went off. She rubbed her eyes to see the lit up screen on his desk. She went to go look and turn it off when she saw someone by the name of ‘Lucy,’ text him.

 

**Lucy: hey Ev. Haven’t talked since Summer and really missing you. Maybe we could catch up? <3**

 

Zoe starred at the text until the light automatically faded and she was left feeling almost squeamish.

 

_Am I jealous?_

_Of course not!_

But when she returned back to his bed, the scent of Evan was intoxicating her. It gave a strange feeling in her stomach and for once, she didn’t know what this feeling was.


	3. You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's back!
> 
> A few changes:  
> \- I might change the name of this fic because I realised there's a fic that already exists that has a similar name to this.  
> \- Chapter titles are based off dodie's song titles. 
> 
> I'm also not so happy with how this fic was written out BUT I know what's to come next and I can't wait to post that.

Zoe couldn’t get any sleep. She tried, she really tried getting the thoughts of this “Lucy” girl out of his head. She tossed and turned around the uncomfortable mattress but nothing. The burning feeling inside Zoe’s stomach still ached and she didn’t know what it was.

Uncomfortably rolling around in her bed, she had no choice but to get out.

She rolled out of bed, trying to rid of the torturous thought of this mystery girl. She put the same jeans on but realized that if she turned up at school wearing the same clothes, something might’ve happened to her. She ran to Evan’s closet, searching for something that could fit her properly. She landed on a grey hoodie that she remembered him wearing at Connor’s pizza party (which he refuses to call a sleepover).

It smelt exactly like his bedsheets. She craved the smell of him, there was something nostalgic about it but she didn’t exactly know what it was.

She tied her hair into a messy ponytail and went downstairs to see Heidi drinking some coffee with Evan getting ready for school.

“You’re up bright and early,” Heidi looked up from the book she was reading to see Zoe slowly approach them. “Did you have a good night’s rest?”

“I did, thank you again for letting me sleep over. I couldn’t thank you…”

“Is that my hoodie,” Evan interjected, looking a bit tense. He pointed directly at her.

She looked down, stretching the hem slightly. “Yeah, I hope you don’t mind.”

He blushed, turning a bright pink before looking away, staring back at his own hands, “no, it looks better on you.”

She smiled, flattered by the compliment. Why was she smiling so big? 

“Do you want some coffee?”

“I should go before my mother starts to freak out,” she shook her hands before laughing and moving her hair out of her face. 

Heidi sipped more of her coffee, “well Zoe. I don’t want your mother to be waiting any longer.”

“Of course, thank you Heidi.”

“I’ll show you out,” Evan insisted.

Zoe packed her stuff up and Evan escorted her to the front porch. 

She bit her lip before splurging “does your mum like me?”

Evan looked at her like she was insane. Closing his open mouth, he tried responding in a casual manner. “She likes you.”

“I feel like everyone likes Connor more than me. My parent definitely do…”

“NO! Definitely not,” Evan yelled, “I mean, she still doesn’t trust Connor with all his drugs even though I keep telling her it’s fine.”

She laughed. “It’s just, I always come second in everything. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me, my parents barely think of me and I bet I’m your second favourite,” she gestured towards Evan who looked up and covered his mouth.

“No!… I mean, no. Of course not.”

“What about Lucy then?”

“Lucy? Why would you come second to Lucy?”

Zoe paused, refusing to say any more. Did she just… “I meant… Connor, not Lucy.”

“How do you even know who Lucy is?”

“You haven’t checked your phone yet?”

“No… did you go through my phone?”

Zoe just nodded, refusing to say another word. She didn’t even give Evan a proper goodbye. She looked at him, seeing the concern and surprise in his eyes. Maybe it didn’t help how she just walked off. But what was she supposed to say? 

She got into her car, giving him one last look before reversing.

•••

Cafeteria. The one place Zoe had dreaded all day. After her boyfriend best friend fiasco, she would be delusional to sit with them or any of her other friends. So she only had one option.

“Hey,” she tried to act as welcoming as possible, “can I sit?”

“No,” Connor immediately responded.

“… sure?” Jared sounded more suspicious but reluctantly agreed.

Evan glared at Connor and Jared. “I invited her.”

“Why?” Connor asked aggressively.

Jared snickered, “you don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Zoe’s boyfriend cheated on her, with her best friend.”

Connor looked over at Zoe’s old group like he was trying to set them on fire. Slowly standing up, she knew he was going to beat them up no matter what. “He what?”

“Connor, just leave it alone. Okay?” Zoe begged.

He shrugged her off and returned to his seat next to Jared. Zoe laid her tray next to Evan’s and sat down. The space between the seats didn’t leave much breathing room for either of them.

“So what do you guys usually talk about?” Zoe asked, picking at her food.

“Usually Connor’s complaining, Evan’s talking about trees and I’m being the most interesting,” Jared confidently bragged.

Evan scratched his head, “I don’t always talk about trees.”

“You also talk about Zoe…”

Evan stopped Jared before he could say too much by throwing an apple at him. 

“OW!” He yelled as the apple hit his forehead. 

Zoe just blushed and glanced at Evan, who was glaring at Jared. He then looked at her, when she retreated back to her little shell.

Connor, seeing what just unraveled, tried changing the conversation. “So, Zoe. Don’t have any other friends you can sit with? There’s plenty of other people who are willing to endure you and your aggregating atmosphere.”

Zoe just rolled her eyes. “I don’t know Connor, how do you tolerate with me and my ‘aggregating atmosphere?’” she did air quotes. 

“I don’t,” he bit into the apple that hit Jared’s forehead. “I leave that to mum and dad.”

She huffed and continued picking at her food. “I’m not that hungry.”

Zoe got up, carrying her tray to the bin and chucking it. She proceeded to leave the cafeteria.

“What the hell,” Evan said at both Connor and Jared. “What is wrong with you?”

“You’re right,” Jared threw his hands up. “Connor you fucked up.”

“JARED,” they both hissed. 

Evan got up and collected all his food. 

“Where are you going?” Connor got up after him.

“Finding Zoe. You guys were being mean to her.”

“Mean? She’ll get over it,” Connor took another bite of the apple.

Jared just looked at Connor, slowly devouring the apple. 

Evan threw his tray away and followed Zoe. He tried calling her name out multiple times but she still ignored him, taking unnecessary corners to try and lose him.

She hid in the music room, behind a music stand and a drum kit. She couldn’t face Evan. That morning, she regretted not talking to him and if she brought it up now, that would be, weird. Why were feelings so infuriating? She knew he was looking for her. It was such an Evan thing to have him trying to find her. See if she was okay. He was just always there, supporting her from the sidelines and a helping hand.

The feeling in her stomach twisted slightly more.


	4. Life Lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I updated. Oops. I felt so bad about not uploading this chapter earlier that I made it twice as long as I usually write chapters and added something at the very end. ENJOY

A month passed and Zoe still couldn't sleep properly. What was wrong with her? Maybe it was because Connor wouldn’t stop blasting his music at two in the morning or she just couldn’t rid the thought of Evan from her head. His smell, it was something she craved. It was her newest addiction and she didn't know why. The smell haunted her and whenever she slept, she’d look at the spot the two shared a moment. Oh and that girl Lucy. Zoe searched Evan’s Instagram and discovered she was a friend of Evan’s from the Park Ranger apprenticeship he took that Summer. She was pretty, she could see why Evan would like a girl like her. Maybe she was delusional, maybe that’s why she was obsessed with Evan and this girl. She had been avoiding him since she got up and left their table. She reconnected with her friends (even Melissa who could not stop apologising for kissing her ex-boyfriend, Zoe could not hold her accountable, Melissa claimed Josh told her that the two had broken up, which was still not a good excuse but she learnt how to forgive people after the Connor incident). By seeing Evan roam around her house like it was his home was almost normal at this point, but now she wished he never stepped foot into her room. She wasn’t mad at him, far from it, but she couldn’t understand the weird feeling in her gut. Instead of sleep, Zoe would stare at the spot the two shared a moment. She wished he would come back and do it all again. She really wish he’d come back and do it all again.

But that wasn’t going to happen. How was she supposed to bring it up without feeling awkward and stupid? She was just going to look like Connor’s lovesick sister.

Lovesick.

She was lovesick.

The next day flew by incredibly slowly. She just wanted it to end. It was barely third period when the insanely amazing Jared Kleinman came up to her during their shared study session.

“Sup,” he greeted, taking an uninvited seat next to her.

She raised a confused eyebrow and replied, “hey.”

“So,” he tapped the pen against the table, “what are you studying?”

She flipped to the front cover of her textbook. “Biology.”

“Biology?”

“I barely passed on the last exam so I’m studying it. That’s what study session is for…”

Jared readjusted his glasses before clearing his throat. “You know, you could use a tutor if you need to improve.”

“Or Connor could stop blasting his music at two in the morning and I could get a normal amount of sleep.”

“That too. I can give you my tutor, he’s extremely good at biology,” he did his smirk. He was up to something.

But Zoe really needed this grade. If her parents found out she was failing Biology, they’d freak out and put her into some academic school. Zoe was supposed to be the smart one. The child who didn’t need her parent’s help with anything. She was supposed to be independent while they tended to her brother. She always came second.

“Okay, I’ll have your tutor’s number…”

“You already have it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Evan’s my biology tutor. He’s a good one too.”

She swallowed, her mouth suddenly turning dry. “I can’t have him as my tutor.”

“Why not? You’ve been avoiding him all month, what happened between the two of you? He thinks your mad at him or something.”

“Mad at him?”

Sighing, Jared took his glasses off and pinched his nose, what he did when he was annoyed. “Evan has been depressed all month because you’ve been ignoring him. I think so anyway. He’s really quiet at lunches, I mean, he usually is but more than usual. He just nods and plays with his food until the bell goes and then he takes the long route to class so you wouldn’t have to run into him. And when Connor invites him over, apparently Evan wouldn’t say a single word to him.”

A wave of guilt flooded over Zoe. Did she really hurt his feelings? She didn’t mean to, god she was being so selfish. She bit her lip, resting her head on her textbook so she wouldn’t feel as shameful.

It’s because Evan had tried to talk to Zoe that week. But she blew him off.

“If it convinces you, Evan got an A+ on that biology exam. Think about it.”

Jared got up and rejoined his friends at another table. Zoe sat in silence, feeling more than lovesick. She just felt awful. She didn’t mean hurt Evan, god she’d do anything to protect him from the negativity.  
She pulled her phone out, going to text Evan.

  
Zoe: hey Evan, Jared told me you’re his biology tutor?

  
Evan replied almost immediately

  
Evan: Jared doesn’t do biology

  
Zoe glared over at Jared’s table and he was laughing hysterically.

  
Zoe: fucking Jared

Anyway, can you tutor me?

  
Evan: sure! This afternoon sound good?

Zoe: its perfect but, can we make it your house? I feel like Connor would be a big distraction if we go to mine.

Evan: sure thing I’ll see you this afternoon

  
•••

Connor and Evan sat outside for lunch today. Jared was working on some computer coding competition so he couldn’t join them. Connor was eating another apple while Evan had gotten his lunch box out and grabbed a sandwich. As seniors, they were allowed to leave the school grounds during free periods (which they both had next anyway) so the two decided to ditch lunch at school and head out to the apple orchard.

The orchard had become something more than their first meeting place. It was a place of obligation, obligation to tell every possible secret and emotion you were feeling. Because not only was it their first meeting place, it was Evan’s attempted suicide destination.

The weeks that followed the attempt were destructive. Ever since Connor talked him out of it, he instantly was forever thankful. He sometimes thought what if he fell, would he be dead or would Connor come and rescue him. What if he did fall off? Would he had survived?

What if.

It was a good thing he didn’t attempt to find out. The moment he safely climbed down was the moment he knew everything was lifted off him. He thought no one understood what he was going through, but Connor did. He understood every detail of every emotion and experience Evan had gone through. Connor redirected Evan to more help. More therapy sessions with his therapist, group therapy whenever Evan felt alone and needed to hear someone else’s story. It was interesting how everyone else’s story correlated to his.

But to Connor, Evan would still be that depressed, loner kid who needed help.

With Zoe, he was able to clear the slate and start over.

She didn’t know about his attempt because it didn’t define who he was. Around her, he wasn’t some insignificant kid.

So the past week, when she was mad at him, he couldn’t face her. He obeyed her like a god. If she wanted him to go away, he would. Even permanently.

Not to say he wouldn’t do the same to Connor.

But that was besides the point.

The two sat on the hill that overlooked the town’s grounds. It was so high, you could see every person leaving their homes and each car driving off to where they needed to be.

Connor stood against a tall apple tree and broke the silence. “Evan?”

“Yeah,” he whispered unintentionally.

“What are you thinking about? You keep looking back at school.”

He fidgeted with his hands and blushed, “uh, nothing.”

“You’re thinking about Zoe?”

Evan went quiet.

“If this is because she’s mad at you or something, just apologise. She won’t kill you or hunt you down. As much as we’re total opposites, I know my sister,” he took a delicious bite out of the apple.

Evan bowed his head, “it’s not that. Should I tell Zoe what I tried to do two years ago?”

Connor was stunned silent. “Why do you bring this up?”

“I don’t know, I was just thinking maybe I should tell her. It’s about time I told someone besides, you know, you and and my therapist and group therapy. Maybe I should tell her to see her reaction? I don’t want to scare her off,” Evan fidgeted with his hands, “we’re in some kind of okay position right now, besides her being mad at me after the last weeks but I’ll just apologise to her about everything I did and I want her to know the truth? I don’t know if this is making any sense,” Evan laughed, trying to brighten up the mood. “I just feel the need for her to know, even though it doesn’t effect her in anyway but maybe if I told her she would overprotect me like everyone else and I don’t want her to care about me in that sort of way; why did I even bring this up this is weird!”

“Dude, calm down.”

Evan took a shaky breath and exhaled. It was calming, he started breathing normally again.

Connor threw his apple core on the ground, crossing his arms. He eyed Evan. “Seriously, if you feel the need to tell her, tell her. I’m not stopping you. You don’t have an obligation to tell her or anything, she’d probably treat you the same. Some perky, optimistic band geek…”

“I feel like she’d be sorry for me and I don’t want her to be. And I feel like she has a right to know.”

“You don’t want her to care?”

“Yes… no. I just don’t want her to treat me any different,” Evan stumbled over the word.

He definitely wanted her to like him back, love him back but she never would. And that wouldn’t be different.

Evan tried changing the subject, “what are you thinking about?”

“Why you keep bringing up my sister. Like it feels like you’re obsessed with her or something.”

Evan turned red, chugging down some water before answer with, “what?”

Connor shrugged, “it feels like you’re obsessed with her.”

Silence.

“You’re not obsessed with my sister, are you?”

“NODEFINITELYNOTWHYWOULDYOUSAYTHAT,THAT’S WEIRD,” Evan completely blurted out, blushing furiously. He was totally not obsessed with Zoe, that would be crazy!

“Good,” Connor nodded his head silently, slightly confused at Evan’s word spillage. “Anyway, next topic.”

Evan couldn’t think of anything to talk about. Luckily, Connor immediately said something.

“Evan, I think I might be gay.”

Evan almost dropped his food. “What?”

“Don’t tell anyone, especially my dad.” Connor scratched the back of his neck, in complete awkwardness. “I don’t know it yet, I’m still finding out.”

Evan stared at Connor with no emotion. It wasn’t like Connor had ever talked about girls in that manner but he didn’t expect him to tell him this way. A million thoughts went through his head.

“When did you know?”

Connor pressed his lips together and thought long and hard. “Ever since Zoe made me watch High School Musical and I had a thing for Troy Bolton.”

“Why did you plan on telling me now?”

Connor sighed and grabbed a seat next to Evan, looking over the town. It was weird seeing how empty everything was during this time. Like an abandoned city. That’s what it felt like anyway. The town was haunted by loneliness and isolation.

“You said how you feel like Zoe has a right to know about your suicide attempt, I feel like you have a right to know about my… “ he couldn’t seem to get the word out, it felt foreign to him, “uh, discovery.”

Evan shifted to lay on his back against the cushioning grass.

“Am I the first person you’ve told?”

“Yeah,” Connor’s eyes prickled with tears. The only way Evan knew was because he went to aggressively wipe them away with his hands.

Evan got up and didn’t know what to do. Connor was the strong one. He stopped Evan from his panic attacks, his bullies at school and even stopped his suicide but he didn’t know how to support Connor. Not to Evan’s knowledge but the two were quite similar.

“It’s okay, I understand how emotional this might be but I’m here and I support you,” Evan rubbed his hand against his shoulder, squeezing it to try and comfort him.

Connor curled up in a ball. His legs were so long he was able to sit up straight while his knees were tucked underneath his arms and against his chest. Hunching his shoulders, he cried into his knees. With soft sobs, he couldn’t stop sniffing. Usually when Connor was this upset, he’d be destructive, breaking everything in a mile radius. But Connor wasn’t mad, he was imploding from the inside. He curled himself up to make himself feel smaller than Evan.

“Evan?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you expect it?”

Evan hummed, pressing his lips together before saying, “I never really thought about it but I-I had a suspicion. That one time we were at gym and Bradley McDonald uh- got out of the change room and you couldn’t stop looking at him.”

Surprisingly, Connor snickered and laughed.

“It wasn’t subtle was it?”

Evan lightly laughed along.

“Do you think any different of me?”

“No, of course not.”

“Are you going to treat me differently?”

“No! Obviously not!”

Connor eyed Evan for him to catch on.

“Oh.”

“Exactly.”

Evan blinked and Connor was able to form a smile.

•••

Zoe pulled up outside Evan’s house and took a deep breath. Evan was just her tutor for today. She had to face him sometime and she had to apologise for being such a bitch. She looked at her make up in the rear view mirror. She might have put too much thought into what to wear.

Getting out the car, she walked up their seemingly long driveway till she reached the door. She rung the bell, anticipating to see Evan. Her heart sunk and she didn’t know what to do. Stay or to run and drive away.

When she thought he wasn’t home, Evan opened the door. He was wearing something that looked quite nice on him. A polo with some jeans and his typical runners.

“Hey,” he answered, looking somehow surprised to see her at the door even though he totally expected it.

“Hi,” she gave him a small wave. Evan opened the door wider to allow her in. He must be cooking something because his house smelt like cookies.

“I was just baking us something to eat,” Evan laughed nervously and walked behind Zoe to guide her to their small dining table. It was in the room next door to the kitchen so the smell of sugary goodness flooded the room and she was now starving.  
  
“Where’s your mum?”

“She’s at work,” Evan replied putting his over mitts on. He looked domestic and adorable taking delicious sweets out of the oven. Especially because the mitts were pastel pink. She went to go grab one but Evan ushered away. “They’re still h-hot they need time to cool off.”

She battered her eye lashes in an attempt to get a cookie. Evan’s breath hitched but he kept his firm stance.

Zoe laughed and went back to her seat at the dining table.

“Actually, I wanted t-to go outside and study. It’s a lot cooler and it’s a pretty day out.”

“Oh,” Zoe picked up her stuff, “okay then.”

“I want- uh, to show you something.”

Packing the cookies onto a plate, the two went outside to Evan’s backyard. Weirdly enough, she’d never been into Evan’s backyard. It was quite empty besides a vegetable garden and a tree with a tree house inside and a swing peering out the side. He grabbed the ladder that led up to the house and started climbing. When he reached the top, Zoe started climbing but the ladder was unstable. She was three-quarters up before slipping. Evan quickly grabbed her hand and pulled her up the rest of the way. They had no idea they were holding hands.

“Thanks,” she puffed.

“No problem.”

Zoe looked down, followed by Evan, and both of them paused. Neither of them let go. Finally, Evan’s anxiety took over and he let go, thinking his hands were too sweaty. Of course they were too sweaty she probably was so uncomfortable with his hand sweat.

He turned away from Zoe and walked inside to the cramped treehouse. Evan’s old toys and books were scattered across the floor and pictures of trees hung on the walls.

Zoe couldn’t help but smile, “this is cute.”

A grin lit up on Evan’s face, reflective of Zoe’s. A light blush grazed his cheeks. “Thanks. Uh, do you know why I brought you up here?”

Zoe looked at the trees on the walls, “to express your love for trees?”

He laughed, “no. You…” fidgeting his fingers was a nervous habit, “you mentioned how you always came second. Well, I haven’t taken anyone up here. This is my private spot when I want a place to relax.”

“So I’m the second person to ever be up here?”

“Or the first person I’ve brought up here. My dad made it for me before he left.”

Time to change the subject. “Thank you Evan.”

Holding her textbooks close to her chest, she murmured something to herself. Evan had stepped a line. This was embarrassing and she was going to hate him…

“I’m also really sorry I messed up last week I don’t know what I did but Connor said you were mad at me. So I’mreallysorry!”

“What? I’m not mad at you?”

“But, you keep avoiding me in the halls at school, I just thought…”

“I’m the one who should be apologising, okay? I’m been selfish and rude and you don’t deserve to be treated by someone like me so…”

“I’m really sorry,” the two said together.

“Jinx!”

Zoe begun giggling uncontrollably while Evan laughed his head off. The two laughed until Zoe slowly stopped, throwing her books onto the ground. “I think we should probably start.”

“Yeah of course,” he answered immediately.

She hated how Evan got anxiety around her. It made her feel upset that he wasn’t comfortable talking to her.

“Hey Zoe?”

“Yeah?”

“If I told you, you’d probably hate me.”

She gently touched his thigh, “what’s up?”

He looked at her wondering hand, gulping and nervously fidgeting with his hands. Losing grip of breath, his entire face turned red and the close proximity Zoe was in, how was he supposed to say anything?

“I… uh, uh…”

“Evan?”

He looked up at her. She just was so beautiful. Her eyes glimmered, her smile shone, her warmth was comforting. But she was kind, loving and compassionate yet would still beat someone up if anyone hurt the people she loved. She had adorable quirks as well. Zoe held her hand up to his forearm.

“Two years ago I tried to kill myself, that’s how Connor and I met,” he covered his mouth as Zoe froze to process what he just said.

“Oh, uh. Are you better now?”

“Yeah… do you hate me?”

“I could never hate you Evan,” she used her thumb to wipe the tears Evan didn’t know he was crying. He tried blinking them back but the wave of emotion just swept over him and more uncontrollable tears just kept coming back.

“I’m so sorry,” he choked out, barely being able to get his own words out.

“Shh,” she hugged him tightly, hoping to never having to let him go. He was so warm and soft, she could cuddle him all day. She rubbed soothing circles on his back, just hoping she’ll somehow tell him that she was there. Zoe was there for him. He wouldn’t have to feel so alone.

He could feel her small hands rubbing his back, she almost positioned herself to be cradled in his arms.

“Are you feeling okay now?” Zoe whispered into his ear, hoping it was gentle and soothing. It was.

He nodded, too distracted by Zoe hand wondering on his thigh. He swallowed hard, trying to hide his growing redness.

Stupid Evan, that’s never going to happen.

Zoe pointed down to her books, “we should uh, start tutoring now.”

“Oh! Of course,” he choked out. Clearing his throat, “thank you Zoe, for um- understanding.”

“I’m just returning a favour. Plus…”

“Connor’s attempt?”

She nodded. “It was back when he was thirteen. We had no idea when he started thinking that way or how he even thought to do it but he tried to overdose. Every moment of my life was put onto trial then. What did I do to drive him to do it? Every moment while he was in the hospital, I’d question what I did wrong and how to bring my brother back to me. Thank god he didn’t die. As much as we have an unstable relationship now and as much as he abused me as a kid,” she rolled up her sleeve to reveal a scare, “I don’t know how I forgave him but I think it was his willingness to start over with all of us. I could never forgive him for the hell he dragged me through but I could give him a second chance. He’s really changed since then. Especially with me.”

Evan cupped her chin to stop the flowing tears from escaping. She held her breath as Evan slowly said his next words.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

And somehow, she didn’t what made her do it, she looked up at Evan, who’s eyes were gleaming and so welcoming, and kissed him. Hard.

As she kissed him, his breath hitched, but quickly realising Zoe was actually kissing him, he begun to kiss her back. Their lips melded together and it was passionate, their bodies had gotten closer. Zoe didn’t know what she was thinking but she didn’t regret it. She ran her hands under Evan’s shirt, feeling each muscle and being surprised that he had this type of body. Evan moved his hands to her waist, pinning her over and gently placed her on the ground, him going on top of her. She opened her mouth, Evan getting the idea and started to run his tongue over her soft lips, biting on them slightly. She wrapped her hand around his neck and one into his fluffy hair, moaning when Evan had gotten closer to her and she could feel how much he liked it. As the two stopped to take a breath, Zoe closed her eyes and tried to regain a regular breathing pattern. Her hands still on Evan’s neck, slowly came off as Evan blushed furiously.

“I’m so sorry,” Zoe whispered, getting up to regain what was left of her integrity. What had she been thinking, she couldn’t do this. For all she knew, he didn’t see her more than his best friend’s sister.

Evan looked her in the eyes, flushed face and all. “It’s okay,” he cleared his throat, his thoughts filled with the image of Zoe he shouldn’t be thinking. She was beneath him, her hair scattered across the floor and her hands barely holding onto his neck. “I um- really enjoyed it.”

“Enjoyed it,” she laughed, not knowing the blush appearing on her cheeks.

“Yeah… that was um- really great. Good work team,” he smiled sheepishly, Zoe laughing again at his adorableness.

“I mean,” Zoe hummed, pressing her lips together. “We could do it all again next week, if you’re up to that.”

“Or we could do it now,” Evan said half jokingly, just awaiting to see her answer.

She smirked at him, leaning in for a kiss. This kiss was simple and elegant. Nothing like the first kiss. The first kiss was hungry and desperate but this one felt like she had all the time in the world to kiss him. They separated, her hands cupping his cheeks. “I want to take my time with you lover boy.”

“I’m so sorry,” he blushed, his anxiety starting to come back, “it’s just I’ve wanted to kiss you ever since I started liking you.”

“And when was that?”

“When I first met you,” he shrugged his shoulders to hopefully hide his embarrassment. “It sounds so cliché.”

“Two years? Wow, if I had dumped Josh’s ass sooner,” she snickered, the two laughing. She paused, “if you really liked me since then, why didn’t you tell me anything?”

He swallowed hard, “I just thought you’d never like me back and being your friend is better than being nothing to you.”

Giving him a forehead kiss, he scrunched his face into an adorable smile. Zoe grinned even wider, “If you came up to me, told me how cute you were and I wasn’t so oblivious, I would have kissed you earlier.”

Evan leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek and down her neck. Sucking on her skin, she wrapped her hands around his shoulders and moaned, “Evan.”

He pulled away shortly after, “was it okay? I don’t want to hurt you and I’ve never done this before so I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“It’s okay. Also you did amazing. Was I your first kiss?”

Blushing, “yes.”

“I’m glad to be your first.”

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you see it coming? ;)


	5. Absolutely Smitten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who’s back (back back), back again.
> 
> I wanted to get this out before Laura left because damn I’m emotional about that but I really wish I could’ve met her one day. I live in Australia and damn it’s nearly impossible to be a broke person trying to watch Broadway from across the globe. But I’m back and I wanted to say happy trials and I really hope you enjoy the chapter. A little, potential smut warning ;)

She returned home after she had a ‘study’ session at Evan’s house. It wasn’t much studying, well there was but the two had basically had a make out session every few minutes because they couldn’t get enough of each other. Half dazed, she walked home, replying the memory of Evan’s lips on hers over and over again like a broken record. Why hadn’t she actually dumped Jo… Joel? John… Josh sooner. Wow she was so out of reality but that seemed to be a good thing as she unlocked her front door and saw Connor high on the couch.

“Hey,” he greeted her, not even looking directly at her. 

“Hi,” she said back to him.

“Who’s your new hook up?”

Shocked and confused. “What?”

“You have ten hickeys on your neck, who have you been having sex with?”

“I wasn’t having… they’re not hickeys,” she tried lying but she hated it. 

Connor turned to face her but he kept a stern look. 

“I… eh burnt myself with my curling iron this morning.”

“Ten times?”

She took her shoes off and stomped her feet on the ground. “Fine, but I’m not telling you who.”

“Was it Josh?”

“NO! After what he did to me, I’m never looking him in the eyes again.”

“What about Evan?”

Zoe almost choked on her own spit. “No, definitely not.”

“But you just had a study session with him. Well ‘study session’ is just a loose term or you were studying human anatomy…”

“Who even told you I was at Evan’s?” Zoe snidely whispered, trying to ignore her brother’s teasing.

Connor paused the program on the television and crossed his arms. “Jared told me.”

Jared Kleiman. Of course. 

“Well Evan and I weren’t… aren’t doing anything. So whatever you think happened, didn’t,” she gave him an intense look before going upstairs.

-

She had run as fast as she could to Evan’s house after school that afternoon. Evan was already home and she knocked on his door which took him approximately thirty seconds to answer the door. Evan peeped his head from behind and gave her a soft smile with blush grazing his cheeks. Zoe pushed the door more open and got on her toes to kiss him before entering his house. They both went up to his room and as Evan closed his room’s door. Unloading her school bag, she pulled out a piece of paper and laid it on the wooden desk. Zoe stared at a sheet of paper in front of her. Evan squeezed her hand and took a deep breath.

“Everything will be just fine,” he said so unsurely, he should’ve just said the truth.

Zoe flipped it over and screamed.

“I did it!” she screamed with so much joy. Evan finally let go of the shaky breath he had left. On the page for an A+ with a red circle around it. 

“You did it!” Evan celebrated, wrapping his arms around Zoe in happiness. He picked her up and spun her around, releasing a squeal from her. She loved his warmth, squeezing him even tighter. Evan attempted to kiss her temple but was so hesitate that he just brushed his lips against it. 

Having a crush on Zoe and finally being able to express it was so weird. His love for her rendered him speechless, stuttering and blushing constantly. He couldn’t possibly tell her how much he admired and adored her by using words. There were no words to describe how amazing she was. But being the awkward person he was, he’d try and mumble out a sentence, panic and run off, like he did the day after they’d first kissed, which was only about a month ago. Using words might’ve made him useless but his ability to show it through his subtle, shy touches and inside jokes was enough for Zoe to know he liked her. 

She cupped his cheeks and gently kissed him, making sure to let go after a short period of time. Maybe she was too cautious but she loved kissing him. His smell was intoxicating. The expression on his face when she kisses him was something that made her heart explode. He would always look stunned but smile and blush a bright red, like being with her was only a part of a dream.

But this time, he squinted his eyes and his lips parted. A small frown appeared on his face.

“Ev,” she caressed his cheek and he gave into her, “what’s wrong?”

He shook his head, “nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“Tell me, please?”

She ran her fingers up his jaw, to rest them behind his ears. 

His expression was unreadable. He just looked like he wasn’t in the moment, not with her. He looked distorted. Yet, he denied his absentmindedness. Zoe let go of her grip and crossed her arms and enclosed her shoulders. Evan, seeing how Zoe had stopped because he thought she was uncomfortable. 

“I’m sorry Zo,” he apologised, clearing his voice. 

“No, it’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Totally,” she said. Evan looked at her but immediately looked away. How could things go so south so quickly? “You don’t have to tell me but just one question. Is it about Connor?” She asked so bitterly, she gave him a stank eye.

Evan gulped. 

Zoe groaned, slumping onto Evan’s bed. He was about to join her but forced himself to stay standing and be disappointed. Zoe just sat up and looked down at her lap. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“NO!” He shouted louder than expected but he quieted down when she looked up at him, “no it’s just, Connor said to me how I was crushing on you and that it was weird how I was with his sister but I kept denying it but now I feel terrible because I didn’t know how’d you feel about me denying what we’re doing,” he pointed at her and then to himself, “and being here with you,” he went to sit next to Zoe, “it just reminded me of it.”

“I just don’t want you to be thinking about Connor when you’re with me. Not only is it weird to think of my brother when we’re together but I just want something for myself for once.”

Evan’s eyes traced the lines on her face and saw her face change in a split second. 

“Zo, I am yours. I will always be yours no matter what Connor is to me. It’s just, I also don’t want to lose you and Connor is one of my only true friends.

“Lose me?”

“Shoot,” he muttered, “it’s just you’re way, way out of my league and I never thought there’d be someone like you who would want me. I’ve wanted this for years now and I didn’t want to get in the way of your happiness. So being the idiot I am, I try giving you a million reasons to not leave me for someone better like eh, Josh or something.”

“He cheated on me with my best friend, you can’t snoop that low Evan,” she laughed at herself. 

“Want to bet?” He teasingly said, nudging her in the arm.. 

Laughing, she nuzzled a spot on his shoulder and closed her eyes. He formed enough courage to finally kiss her temples and held her hand. His hands were incredibly sweaty but she didn’t seem to mind that. 

She breathed against his shoulder but finally asked Evan, “so what are we? Are we dating? Are we friends with benefits?”

“I… eh don’t know,” he froze, “how about we don’t put labels on it? We’ll just figure it out together,” he stuck his pinky out, confused why he’d agree to do a pinky swear. Zoe just giggled and did the pinky swear. Shaking it and then clasping his hand together and Evan kissed her knuckles. 

Zoe grew a smile against her lips, “hey, we should throw a keggar.”

“Yeah totally!”

“We’ll get super drunk,” she said in a jock like voice.

Evan returned with seeping sarcasm, “until my mum gets home in three hours.”

Zoe snickered. “Your mum taking an early night today?”

“No, she actually got promoted. She gets more hours in the morning but that means more times in the evening.”

“What?” Zoe surprisingly said. “We need to do something to congratulate her!”

Evan thought about it for a split second. “Okay, let’s do it.”

-

Looking through Evan’s kitchen, Zoe ultimately decided to settle on red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing. Grabbing all the ingredients out, they began mixing and baking it together. The cupcakes were in the oven but even then she had to keep Evan from eating the entire bowl of icing. He apologised but retaliated by putting a smidge on her nose. She gasped but giggled, attacking him with a full scoop of flour. Evan coughed through the smoke until Zoe asked if he was okay, when he threw more icing at her and it landed on her shirt. She took her shirt off, throwing it onto the couch in the living room and that was the best moment to flour bomb Evan as he was left speechless and red. He kept stammering over his own words seeing Zoe’s bra and trying not to stare. It wasn’t like this was the first time he’d seen her in a bra, there was that time he went to go swimming at the Murphy’s house but he was able to blame the hot sun for his blush and hide his face underwater.

Zoe took note of this and walked up to him, hands behind her back. “It’s okay to stare, it’s cute how much you blush.”

Evan, trying to make an excuse or just to act cool heavily failed and he closed his eyes when Zoe slapped him in the face with a handful of flour. He snapped his eyes back open and left his mouth open as Zoe tried to hide her laughter behind a devilish smirk. 

Without hesitation, Evan lifted Zoe up, causing her to squeal, and placed her on the kitchen counter, deeply kissing her until she was intoxicated by his taste. Pulling the two closer, he travelled down Zoe’s neck and bit each spot but replaced them with a kiss as an apology. Zoe mentally telling him there was need to apologise for what he was doing to her, she regained his lips for a kiss but she cupped his cheeks to get him closer. Wrapping her legs around his waist, she could feel his length somewhat through her jeans and she pulled his closing with her legs. Evan’s nose brushing against Zoe’s, he mustered out a “I’m sorry,” and Zoe just giggled and told him everything was okay. Everything was great. Evan reached down to her breasts, he kissed them as much as possible as Zoe slightly moaned and ran her fingers through his blonde hair. She let go for a breath and Evan’s hunger was seen through his blue eyes. Zoe went to the hem of his shirt and pulled it up, revealing his bare chest and his unexpected muscles underneath. Letting out another squeal he smiled up at her with flushed cheeks, wide eyes and a sheepish smile.

Zoe thought she was tearing up as she jumped off the counter and went up to gently place a kiss on his chest, her warm breath on his cold chest. Evan’s eyes closed and he loved the feeling of the two negatives combined together.

“Ev,” Zoe immediately let go of his body and he opened his eyes again. She walked over to grab the mittens from the oven and carried the cupcakes out and onto the drying rack. Sticking a skewer in one of the cupcakes and it came out clean, “they’re ready.”

Absentmindedly, he growled “I’d rather be eating you,” and he goofily looked at her in complete awe. 

Zoe, smirking and going over to pick up Evan’s shirt off the floor, “I think we should get dressed before your mum gets home.”

“Right… uh, do you want a different shirt? Yours is covered in icing.”

“I still haven’t given your hoodie back from last time I stayed.”

“I have plenty of things you could wear, uh… that you’d look great in.”

Reaching for her icing covered shirt, the two went upstairs to change, Zoe going through Evan’s closet before finally settling on his blue striped polo shirt. Evan turning around to avoid seeing what Zoe looked like asked if she was decent and turned around, flustered. 

“What?” She pulled at the hem of the shirt before looking back up at Evan who didn’t move. He was as still as a statue.

Forgetting he was even asked a question, he said, “nothing, I just forgot I had that shirt. I… uh… tried to commit suicide in that shirt. I thought I threw it out.”

“Oh,” Zoe was about to take the shirt back off before Evan stopped her by placing a simple kiss on her lips. 

“No, you look amazing and beautiful and uh, we should start new memories, right? Learn from the past and move on and stuff,” Evan shrugged his shoulders while wiping his hands on the shirt sleeves. 

Zoe, blushing bright pink and smiling uncontrollably, leaned into another kiss before whispering, “even though we went to change up here, I want to seriously rip everything off again because you’re so hot.”

This caused Evan to turn even more red, which shouldn’t have been humanly possible, before saying, “I want to take my time with you,” causing Zoe to laugh and run over to grab his pillow and hit him with it. He retaliated by grabbing his other pillow and hitting her on the side. 

-

Heidi returned after a long day. Her back was hurting, all she wanted to do was sit down and relax on the couch before her night classes. She had some time so she brought home Evan’s favourite burgers and one for herself, another just in case they were getting the extra munchies. She fumbled her keys before Evan ran to the door and poked him head out, welcoming his mum home and taking her bag and coat and setting them in their rightful place. As Heidi walked in, she saw Zoe in her living room, hugging Evan’s pillow and she smiled up to her. 

“Hi Zoe, I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“Hello Ms… Heidi.”

“I would’ve brought more food if I knew you were staying over,” she held up her paper bag.

“Oh no need, I shouldn’t stay the night anyway.”

“Nonsense, you’re welcome to stay whenever you want dear. I’ll just fetch an air mattress and…”

“Actually mum she can, uh, sleep in my room again.”

“But sweetie, where would you sleep…? Oh…” the wheels in Heidi’s mind were turning, “are you two… doing the thing?”

Evan turning bright red looked at Zoe for help. Zoe, getting up and sliding her hand down his arm and linking her fingers through his. “No but um, we’re kinda,” clearing her throat, “seeing each other.”

“Oh, that’s great!” Heidi went over to give Zoe a bear hug and swayed her side to side. “Evan, I knew you had a crush on Zoe but you…”

“Okay, let’s show mum the surprise,” he rummaged through the kitchen and came back with a small cupcake in hand. 

Zoe walked over to Evan and grabbed two more cupcakes and handed one to Heidi. She looked down at it with teary eyes.

“So Evan told me that you got a promotion and I thought it would be nice to have a little celebration,” Zoe said.

Heidi, wiping her eyes from the tears potentially escaping, tearfully laughed and couldn’t form any words. “I… you… come here.” She enveloped the two in the tightest hug that it was almost suffocating and cried loving tears into Evan’s shirt. Letting go, she wiped the reminding tears and smiled even wider than ever before. “I love you two so much, thank you so, so much.”

Taking a bite out of the cupcake, she melted and took another bite. “Wow, this is so good. I’m guessing Zoe made this.”

“Hey,” Evan said offended but taking another bite.

Zoe and Heidi giggled, Heidi asking to sit down with Zoe while Evan prepared the burgers. 

“So Zoe, how long have you and Evan been dating?”

“Actually, um we’re not putting labels on it. We… uh, started last month.”

“When you were studying? Oooh,” Heidi awed, nudging her arm.

Zoe blushed and smiled.

Heidi continued, “look, Evan’s had a little crush on you for a while now and as a protective mother, I just wanted to say that…” Zoe’s nerves immediately flared, “he likes you with all his heart and I hope you do the same.”

Sighing of relief, she laughed with the mother when she couldn’t help but be anxious. “I like him a lot.”

“Good, good. If you need anything, don’t be afraid to call out. We might not be as rich as your family but we do love each other very much.”

Zoe gave another hug to Heidi. Heidi seemed so loving and genuine, always being cautious and aware of her son. Zoe wished her mother was like that to her, that she even cared enough to ask what was going on in her life. 

Evan returned with three burgers and two drinks. Seeing as Zoe didn’t have a drink, Evan offered to share his as the three watched a movie together.

-

Evan was in his bed, making sure it could fit Zoe as it wasn’t a tight fit and he wanted her to be comfortable more than anything else. He waited for her and was shocked when she left the bathroom and returned in his shirt and her underwear. She went over to Evan cabinet and grabbed a pair of pyjama pants out and saw Evan trying to avoid looking at her, with growing blush on his cheeks.

“I told you, it’s okay to stare,” she bit her lip as she slid next to Evan and gave him a kiss.

“I…” he tried excusing but Zoe grinned up at him and he passionately kissed her. Letting go, he whispered the three words, “I love you.”

Zoe, flustered and swept off her feet started to tear up. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it lived up to the expectations because everything goes downhill from here.


	6. Intertwined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm back! Fun fact, it's actually my birthday tomorrow so hopefully I can beg some people to give me money to buy playbills.
> 
> Alsp TRIGGER WARNING: like descriptions of smut in this chapter! Like, I refer to it in the most subtle way I possibly could why still being straight forward about it. It only lasts for like 3 sentences so if you get triggered, just skip through that.

Skin, heat, hair in my mouth, feet touching feet.

You and I, safe from the world, but the world will try.

Oh, I’m afraid, of the things in my brain.

But we can stay here and love away the fear.

-

Evan was in a daze the next morning. He woke up with a naked Zoe Murphy beside him and his eyes immediately opened. He remembered details from last night. Their skin melding together like they became one and the heat from her breath remained as he told her this was his first time and he continued asking how to do it probably. She had left her breath against his bare neck as she clung to his hair and kissed him heavily. He remembers her bra being thrown off and Evan turning red as Zoe topless was an image he thought he’d never see. She slid off his underwear and smiled at him, forming tears in her eyes. He ran his fingers between his thighs, sending immense shivers between the two and she couldn’t control herself any longer. She moaned his name, trying to suppress her noice so Heidi wouldn’t hear. He took note of this and talked about how she had night classes and probably had already left for them. She ruffled his hair and giggled, returning to the position in the sheets and kissing him before going down his neck. He went to his desk and got some protection out, turning back to a blushing Zoe. Her skin was flushed pink, he loved it. He slid it on and Zoe laid down, waiting for him. He got back up and whispered an apology, Zoe telling him she loved him again and kissing him again and resting her forehead on his, lingering in the position before Evan playfully pinned her down onto his bed and smirked. He went inside her and Zoe closed her eyes, squealing and asking him to go faster, moaning his name again. 

Zoe had been crying tears. Evan asked her if everything was okay, if he needed to stop and she said they were tears of joy. How this was the best experience she’d ever had. Evan turned red and told her the same, saying how he was glad she was his first. She had stray hairs on her lip which Evan pulled back and gently pressed his lips against. Compared to their sexual experience, it was slow, romantic and lingered before the two ultimately went to sleep, her spooning him, their bodies pressed against each others.

Remembering what had happened caused Zoe to wake up when Evan shook the bed from nerves. She saw him sitting on the spot. She smirked, grabbing his hand unexpectedly causing him to fling back and laugh when he saw Zoe wipe her tired eyes. Pulling the blanket to cover herself, she gave him a peck on the lips.

“Good morning,” she grinned.

“Morning to you too,” Evan leaned against the bridge of her nose.

“What are you thinking about?”

He choked, “you and how beautiful you are.”

Zoe giggled, saddling him. Evan, gulping because he realised he had nothing to stop the two. She saw how surprised and uncomfortable he was and proceeded to get off him and he sighed of relief.

“I don’t think I’m ready for that…” he murmured, nervous she’d be mad.

Zoe saw this and cupped his cheek with one of her hands, “Evan, thank you for telling me! Don’t apologise for saying no. I’d rather you say no than to be uncomfortable and unprepared.”

Evan leaned in to kiss her, “thank you.”

The two got dressed and changed before Evan was the first to go downstairs and turned a tomato red when he saw Heidi.

“Good morning sweetie,” Heidi sat, reading a book while drinking some coffee.

“Hi,” he choked, “I thought you had work…”

“Great thing about the promotion is, I can take time off and I’m not needed for every other shift. Apparently all the nurses want my time instead,” she laughed, patting the spot beside her to indicate Evan sitting down, “and I was here last night…”

Evan didn’t breathe for a solid five seconds, his face turning a deeper shade of red.

“Ev, it wasn’t weird, I did it when I was a teen…”

“Mum, please no, please stop.”

“What I’m saying is, did you use protection?”

“Oh my god,” Evan groaned, hiding his face in his hands. 

“Well did you?”

“Yes…”

Zoe came downstairs in her clothes from yesterday. Same shirt, same pants, same bright smile. She took a spot at the table after wishing Heidi a good morning. 

“Would you like tea? Some coffee?” Heidi asked, getting up to get herself a second cup.

Zoe nodded, “I’ll have some peppermint tea please.”

Heidi retreated back to the kitchen, leaving Zoe and Evan alone. Evan was bright red, his amount of blushing almost made his face naturally pink.

Evan looked over to Zoe and whispered, “she was here last night…”

“What?” Zoe replied at the same almost silent volume.

“She heard us,” Evan hissed.

Zoe’s mouth dropped and almost started to choke. “Oh… uh…”

Heidi returned with two cups of peppermint tea and skip in her step, “don’t worry you two, I was too preoccupied when you two were doing anything suspicious.” Evan and Zoe looked at each other for support before Heidi broke into laughter and returned back to her book.

Zoe finished her tea in silence before she mentioned going home. Evan requested to escort her out but really just wanted to get out of the tense environment and couldn’t bare being bombarded with questions from his mum. He opened the door for her. She thanked him, holding his hand before Evan’s phone pinged. The two stood there while Evan scrambled for his phone. It was a text from Lucy.

Lucy: i’ll see you then! <3

Zoe read the message and huffed, “you’re really going to see her again?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because, she keeps obviously flirting with you,” she tightened her grip on Evan’s hand, it might’ve turned his hand purple.

“Are you jealous?” He asked suspiciously, developing a cheeky smirk.

“What? No!” She blushed red, “I’m not jealous because you’re mine,” Zoe held their hands up to her mouth for Evan to see.

“I’m always going to be yours,” he whispered before attacking her with a passionate kiss. Their lips melded together and she ran her fingers through his hair before they both separated for a breath. Evan held her tighter to his chest.

“Why did you do that?” Zoe wondered aloud, mouth slightly agape. 

Evan gave her a softer kiss on her forehead before replying, “because I won’t be able to for another week.”

She smirked, letting go of his hand, “I promise I’ll try see you before that.” And with that she whispered, “bye, I love you.”

Evan leaned against the wall, “bye, I love you too.”

-

Zoe returned home and was bombarded with questions from Connor. 

“Where were you?”

“Who gave you more hickeys?”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying and I’m not telling you,” Zoe answered, dropping dead on the couch. It didn’t have the same warmth as Evan bed. She covered herself with the fur throw blanket that rest at the end of the couch. Connor eyed her down, almost a threat. Why did he care so much about who gave those loving kisses on neck. 

“You can’t live in this denial forever Zoe…”

“Why do you care so much?” she snapped, sharply turning her head to face him. “Why do you care who gave these to me?”

Connor paused and then something unusual happened. He laughed. He laughed for real. She’d never seen him laugh in months maybe even years. She was more spooked to see him laugh than to tell him who really gave her the hickeys.

“Don’t tell Evan but I’m pretty sure… he has a massive crush on you.”

Zoe gasped, trying to act like she didn’t already know. She tried to blush her cheeks and mouth some words, “he does?”

Connor nodded and gave her a smirk, “you already know, don’t you?”

“What? H-“

“I’ve lied so many times, I’m basically a lie detector,” he shrugged. 

She laughed pitifully and crossed her legs, “he makes it pretty obvious. Not to mention…” she almost wondered off topic and stopped herself when she realised Connor was looking at her attentively, “he always seems to be really anxious around me, it makes me think he’s scared of me.” She rambled, half telling the truth.

Connor nodded his head and continued, “so you like him back?”

“I mean, yeah… he’s cool.” Why was she talking about liking Evan to her brother? That was weird AND uncomfortable.

“You two hooking up already? Damn Hansen,” Connor smirked to himself and saw Zoe’s blush cover her entirety of her face.

“I… shut up!” she got up and threw a pillow at him, hitting him right on the face. She ran towards the stairs, leaving behind a very hysterical Connor.

-

Numb, fine.

You create a rarity of my genuine smile,

So breathe, breathe with me.

Can you drink all my thoughts? ‘Cause I can’t stand them.

-

Connor and Evan returned back to the spot that overlooked their lonely town. Silence weaved through the two teens as Connor sat on the hill, looking down. Evan had been picking apples and placing them into a basket to make pies out of later.

“Are you and my sister like… a thing now?” he asked out of the blue. Evan dropped the apple he had been picking and turned to Connor, bright red. 

“You see, I-I,” Evan begun but Connor interrupted him.

“I get it. You’ve had this crush on her for a long while now,” he smirked, laughing the obliviousness off. “Shit, I’m dumb to not realise it sooner.”

“I can explain…” Evan continued to defend himself, “Zoe and I aren’t a thing-thing I mean I like her, she’s cool and awesome but I don’t like-like her like that you know! That’ll be weird!”

“Zoe basically told me this morning that you were her secret hook up.”

Connor blankly looked at Evan before Evan turned silent and bowed his head. He wasn’t running away from this conversation anytime soon. Connor didn’t say anything for a few minutes after that. Processing the fact that his best friend and sister were doing shit together made him feel used. Made him feel like a third wheel, like he wasn’t included. Not that he wanted to be included with whatever mess those two were but he left… forgotten. Like nothing he did was good enough, like no matter how hard he tried, Evan just saw Zoe. Connor was probably a ploy for Evan to be with her anyway. Who would actually want to be friends with the freak devil accident called Connor Murphy anyway? He was just ‘school shooter chic’ according that scum, Jared.

Yet he didn’t show any of it on his face, his posture nor his body. He felt numb. He just sat still, contemplating on what to do next. He bottled those feelings like he did the rest of his deep down in the back of his mind because his stupid meds didn’t allow him to act out the way he wanted. Maybe that was for the better. Maybe, if he didn’t take those meds, something more serious could have happened and he would have regretted it. 

“Are you okay with it?” Evan asked, taking a seat next to him. It wasn't like he cared about Connor’s opinion, that's what Connor thought anyway, “with Zoe and me being together.”

Connor had too many opinions. Yet he took another breath and let it all go, a breathing exercise he learnt from his therapist. Pause. Breathe. Think. Resume. He just nodded his head, faking a smile. “Yeah, I’m cool with it. It’s fine.”

Evan reached over into his basket and handed Connor a ripe apple. He declined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apple symbolism is too subtle so please reassure me you got it in the comments. ALso, everything going downhill starts mid-chapter and I thought I would spice up the beginning to have that little piece of hope left.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, leave a kudos and a comment. I really do appreciate them :)
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr, if you want - https://annioe.tumblr.com/


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